This follow-up is long awaited, I'm sure..
A few weeks ago, I posted my struggle with trusting God. I asked for prayers and advice on how to continue trusting when things don't make sense. What I got in response was..... not exactly what I was expecting. I got a lot of prayer, a lot of support, but I didn't get a whole lot of feedback. I'm not complaining! I don't know that any feedback really would've helped. But I thought if I asked for advice someone would have magical words of epiphanic proportions. (Spoiler alert: it didn't happen that way.)
So I continued praying and struggling and trying really hard to trust the God who promised not to let me down. I was feeling so lost. What was I supposed to do?
Then, it hit me. It was like a reenactment of David's stone hitting Goliath's forehead. How could I have missed it!?
In November, just after my baptism, I was gifted a CD with songs of worship and dedication on it. One song stuck out at me and upon the third time of hearing it I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my lifetime. The song talks about walking across oceans of faith. I sent this massive message to my best friend explaining to him how I'd finally found words to explain to him something I'd been trying to tell him all along. It went something like this:
"I know that we have repeatedly been over this and my answers to you never change. I'm always telling you that you're not alone and you say you know that but you're basically alone and I've told you several times that you're not. And I don't exactly think I've changed my position on that. But I have changed perspectives. I was given a mix CD and I heard one of the songs on there (a beautiful song) several times and I think it applies to what I was trying to tell you.
You remember when Peter was walking on the water to meet Jesus?(Matthew 14, it looks like) From our understanding, Peter always chased after life. He was always the first to jump to action. Impulsive, he always seemed to get himself into trouble eating his own words. But the thing is, He was impulsive because he trusted. Stepping out on that water, he trusted Jesus. And Jesus didn't let him sink because he trusted. It wasn't until he stopped trusting that he sank. Peter was alone. There wasn't anyone else on that water with him. So in that sense, you're right. You are alone. BUT Peter wasn't alone. Because he couldn't have done that on his own. It wasn't until he let himself think he was alone that he started to sink. The opening line of that song says, 'You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail.' God does call us to go out on our own, but not to be alone. He calls us to go out so we can realize we're not alone. He needs us to trust Him. 'Your sovereign hand Will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You've never failed and You won't start now.' 'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior.' My prayer for you has always been that you would trust God. And that's what I'm continuing to pray. I pray you jump into the sea. I know you're really struggling with your decisions. But I believe the Spirit is jumping around in you trying to make you jump into action. I pray you let it guide you and know that you're not alone."
I sent that message about two months before I wrote "I've Got This." Maybe a week after writing that post, I was listening to a playlist on shuffle and the same song came up. It was like a flood of realization washing over me (or, like I said, David's stone hitting me square in the middle of my face). I realized that was exactly the advice I needed to hear and it all came from my own mouth about two months before.
I was freaking out because I felt like I was drowning. And truthfully, I was. I wasn't looking to Jesus to carry me, I was looking around at the water I shouldn't have been walking on and that's when I started to sink. I had stopped trusting God's guidance because I thought I needed to know, and plan, what I was doing with my life.
That's just not how it works.
You see, we really can't plan. We can't expect to know what we will get out of life. We can't expect to understand. We have to trust. And trusting God means nothing more than looking to Him. Things around us won't always make sense when God calls us out for His purpose. Do you think it made sense that Peter walked on liquid water? Did it make sense that Jesus literally stilled a raging storm with his voice? Did it make sense that the Christ, who had just been killed 3 days prior was no longer in his tomb?
It made no sense to us, but it made perfect sense to God. It still worked. So my advise to myself? Don't try to make sense of everything. Look to Jesus, not the water you're impossibly walking on. Trust that God's not going to drown you with the waters He's called you to. Know your Father, your Savior, has a far more beautiful plan for your life than you could ever imagine for yourself. Everything doesn't need an explanation, everything doesn't need to be in your control; what would you do with that control anyways?
I pray the same trust on the ladies who read this. I hope you're all learning to walk with God, to lean on Him and to do crazy, impossible things because He has made you able.
Love you sisters!
Kat
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV)
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